I think i made a mistake...

I think i made a mistake, and finding out about it will help me now to improve my life and be a better person inside and outside.

Thinking back, trying to remember how it was when i was newly single, with any ex boyfriend attached. I was happy in so many ways. I am happy now too, but before, when i was still a teenager or a young adult, i didnt need of someone to share my life with, nor someone i could count with... what for? if friends were there... why would i want to have someone as my boyfriend if i had everything that a normal girl like me would like... a loving family, friends, a best friend who's also my sister, my books, my writtings and ideas, music, sports, the beach, long walking down the boulevard and of course my conversations with God. I had many things that kept me happy. But someday i found myself talking with God, and in our private talks, i remember i asked him for someone really special for me. I asked him to send me my blue prince, but it has to be someone really amazing as well, who loved me, cared for me and who were really nice with me who made me laugh, and of course someone who made me happy for any reason in particular and who i felt comfortable with. But How it started? Why it started? What happened in my "perfect life" that suddenly i felt the need of having someone by my side besides my family and friends??

That was a big shock thinking about it now. Because i didnt realize when i turned from being a girl to a woman with needs and lack of love in another different level.

So there i was, praying for finding my prince charming or that he found me, asking God for someone really nice for me, my perfect match, my other half, my twin soul.... and suddenly, after some waiting but not really waiting, i met someone.

It just happened like that, we matched and we didnt have any friends in commun. We started talking and we got along pretty well, to the point where i thought, after trying not to fall for him, that he was my prince charming, and the one who God sent me cuz i asked for him. I felt full of joy that he, my boyfriend in that time, couldn't be anyone else but my other half, we were sooo perfect together and i really felt so hard for him, i loved him so much, and he said he loved me to... and suddenly everything changed ... we broke up... he broke up with me... TWICE, cuz the first time he said he regreted that and wanted to come back and the second time he was so sure.

I still am amazed of my attitude and how i let him do that to me. But in this story, that's not the case.

For years i really thought he was the one for me, i was still waiting for him almost 2 years after we broke up... and i still thought he was the one for me, the one who my loved God sent me, the blue prince i asked him for, cuz i saw him like that, like my twin soul.

But OH MY GOD!! you are so good... so good... TODAY, my dear friends, i found out the truth about something. I opened up my eyes and i could see the real thing ... i could think better, i could, i could, i could ... i just could realized about the situation. And all resumes in one thing.... HE WASN'T THE PRINCE CHARMING I ASKED GOD FOR!!! It's so simple but true, he wasnt the one for me, and all this time i thought he has and i felt miserable for losing him and cuz i was sure i wasnt going to find someone else like him or better, and that i couldnt love anyone as strong as i loved him, but i couldnt be more blind, i was so blind, blind of fear, blind of the so called "love", blind of stupidity and codependece maybe, and blind of something that i dont know what it was, until tonight when everything suddenly started shinning and i could see my truth.

And i feel so happy to say it that i almost feel as crying because it makes me feel so excited and full of joy. He just wanst the man for me. He isnt the man i asked for, he is not the guy of my dreams, i thought he was but i was confused and blind for the first emotions of love maybe, but not true love, i want true love, and he is not my true love, he is not my guy, so he is not the person i prayed God for.

Maybe you find this so repetitive but for me it is a big discovery, because for me, in some reason, i felt i couldnt lose him cuz he was the guy that god sent me and i felt so good with him and i was in love!! how come i was going to lose him?? i couldnt, i was going to wait and suddenly he'd realize i am the right girl for him... I couldnt be more pathetic right??? It is hard to believe but that was me.

And now, i dont know how it happened or why, but i just feel i have something burning inside me and my heart and i feel alive again and i feel good and i feel better than before and i feel i havent really lost anything cuz he just wasnt the right person. I didnt waste any of my efforts cuz it was just a mistake. People make mistakes all the time and take something from them, and this one for me was a big one, it really costed me but i dont regret anything and i learned from it so much and he isnt my guy.

That really makes me feel good.

It took me some time to realize about it, cuz people give you many advices, they are trying to help you, and you are trying to help them to help you and also help yourself but most of the times you are just fooling yourself, you fake you can and you fake you are over it and that you are doing good but then why you feel so bad when you think about him again cuz he isnt with you? why you still wonder why he broke up with you if you two seem to be the perfect couple? why you still think he will come back to your open arms and love you more than ever? why ? why all those thoughts ? and even you tell yourself that forgiving is God's will so as soon as you see a chance to get back together with him you will try and say "it is ok, i forgive you", why you keep on fooling yourself like that?? telling to yourself that as you read in a magazine, telling him what you really feel and not having any "feelings hiding" inside of you will make you feel better and it doesnt matter what he answers back even when deep deep deep inside you are hoping he answers with an "I love you too"???

All these questions and more crossed my mind. I was like that but tonight i stop being blind. I believe God is the author of this and i smile inside, i feel we have some kind of secret/special relantionship and that he is just helping me. I feel blessed and i really hope this words can help you as something superior is helping me right now.

In this moment, i think back and i cant believe all the time i wasted on him but i dont regret. I cant believe i couldnt be over it bymyself, but thanks God i have.

And i just wanna say to you and all those persons who feel they've lost your number one, your soul mate, that you are not alone, just stand on God or a superior power you believe in, be patients, dont give up, try and dont fall and you will find your way. This works for me, just to think that he is the wrong guy and that i still havent failed and that i havent burned my opportunity of meeting my real soulmate, the one i asked for, makes me feel great and that i am back to normal and to all those old, innocent times, when i was just living and having faith that some day my day of meeting my real love would come.

I am not waiting, i am living live, but i have hope that one day my love will come and find me. I cant stop smiling.

Now i know how it feels to have a second chance, i feel i have it.

He is just the wrong guy, he was a mistake. He isnt my guy and i feel so thankful for that.

peace and love to all of you.

Happiness!!

Well =D
i'm so happy! haha that i wanna laugh and scream and be nice with everyone
cuz i feel soooo happy inside, so good and so great!
I couldn't be better i guess
hahaha and wow!
thanks to myself and to some other i feel sooo great!
WOW! so this is happiness .... i thought i knew but i had no idea =D
maybe it's another kind of explosive happiness what i'm feeling now and it's in every pore of my body and it feels awesome.
i love everybody hahaa but well, just cuz i feel like this it doesn't mean i love them for real haha.

ESTOY MUY ENOJADA CONTIGO, ERES UN ESTUPIDO!
Y DESPUÉS PIENSO QUE NO DEBERIA IMPORTARME PERO SI ME IMPORTA
TE ODIO!!
BUENO NO PERO AARRRGHGHH
IMBECIL!

Mi credo

Por donde vayas iré,

con una venda en los ojos,

lo que decidas haré,

el amor cuando es verdad, es uno solo.

No me preguntes porqué

he sido bueno contigo,

sólo sé que eres mi religión,

que me importa si lo llaman fanatismo.

Sin ti yo no soy el mismo,

eres mi credo,

pedazo de cielo,

abrazame fuerte,

mi trebol de buena suerte,

prefierto morir junto a ti,

a no verte.

...

No me preguntes porqué

he sido bueno contigo,

sólo sé que eres mi religión,

que me importa si lo llaman fanatismo.

Sin ti yo no soy el mismo,

eres mi credo,

pedazo de cielo,

abrazame fuerte,

mi trebol de buena suerte,

prefiero morir junto a ti,

a no verte.

Sin ti yo no soy el mismo,
eres mi credo,
pedazo de cielo,
abrazame fuerte,
mi trebol de buena suerte,
prefiero morir junto a ti,
a no verteeee (no, no, no)

ahh, mi trebol de buena suerte,

prefiero morir junto a ti,

a no verte....eeee

(Por dónde vayas ... )

(por dónde vayas... iré) ...

You know this song is for you, i really miss you and i really wish things were different between you and me.

It feels a hole inside.

omg! i'm so heartbroken!
I did it!! i cut the bond with him!!
After being away for weeks i got the enough power to ask the right things and say the right and wrong stuff. I DID IT!!
And i feel so heartbroken!!! is this how i supposed to feel???
Shouldn't i have a liberating feeling?? i don't have any, actually i feel guilty, and i wanna take back all what i said cuz i know i hurt him, but in other hand i know it was the right thing to do, what i would advice to any of my friends to do, and that i should've done since a long time ago.
But i can't help it, i wanna call him, i wanna write him an email, i wanna ... i wanna be with him but he doesn't want to be with me !!
He said it!!! it's nothing i assumed or i thought... HE SAID IT !! HE ADMIT IT !! HE ... he's the reason i am like this, cuz i don't really wanna stop talking to him but i told him we shouldn't talk anymore. At the end he told me he doesn't really know how to deal with people BUT come on!!! ... i was the one he said he loved !!!! i know those feeling are gone but still, he shouldn't feel as he doesn't wanna meet me because of what we had in the past as he said.
I'm really really disappointing about all this, about him, i just hope a lot from him, i made him better than what he really is, i'm not telling he's a bad person, but for me he was all this good stuff, i was so blind, omg! i feel sooo stupid and heartbroken.
Just to think that i won't talk to him makes me feel sad, but i know it's all for the best. I'm doing what i should have done a long time ago.
I'm sorry but i'm not anyone's toy, and i feel he was only using me. Cuz how don't you wanna met someone you say you "care" about ??? Because how you say you don't feel as meeting the person you talk everynight before going to sleep???
I know i'll be better, but now it hurts inside, sooo much.
I'm sorry for what i did but i had to Mathieu. =( and the sadder thing is that you didn't even care, you agreed with me and you didn't fight for your right as a "friend" to keep talking to me.
This is all so sad.
So long....

Vano afán

Dije a mi mano: arranca las ortigas

que junto de la fuente

aprisionan al mirto entre sus ligas.

Y mi mano obediente,

de raíz fue arrancando las ortigas.

Dije a mis ojos: cuando venga el sueño

a llamar esta noche aquí a mi puerta,

rechaza su beleño,

que si hoy quiero soñar, lo haré despierta.

Y en esa hermosa noche, en vez del sueño,

la luna entró por mi ventana abierta.

Dije a mi labio: pajarillo inquieto

que aprendiste ese nombre tan amado,

no lo repitas ya ni aun en secreto.

Y el labio enmudeció y está callado.

Y así de aquesta suerte,

como tan claro mi razón advierte

que al punto voy haciendo

todo lo que me place y voy queriendo.

Dije a mi corazón: olvida, olvida,

que libre de este amor ya quiero verte.

Y entonces ¡ay!, mi corazón me dijo:

vano será tu afán, vano y prolijo;

no pretendas luchar, serás vencida,

yo te domino a ti, yo soy el fuerte

mientras vayas errante por la vida,

al yugo de ese amor irás uncida;

si quieres olvidar, dame la muerte.

María Enriqueta.

¿A dónde voy?

He estado pensando en mi futuro, lo que quiero hacer, dónde quiero trabajar y todo lo que debo, y debo admitir que me hace sentir "ansiosa" Como que me despero porque me falta todavía termina mis estudios pero ya quiero trabajar , y no solo en un trabajo X sino en algo que realmente sea de mi interés y que me pague muy bien. De preferencia fuera del país, como en Francia, Holanda, Suiza, NYC... para crecer de manera correcta profesionalmente y desenvolverme en otro ambiente diferente.